Friday night. Usually a time of anticipation. Talking together with friends to decide what we're going to do tonight. Not like that now. I did so much living between the time I was 17 until I was around 37. That song from the Liza Minelli movie, "Cabaret" was my theme song.



"I used to have a girlfriend known as Elsie.


With whom I shared a sordid room in Chelsea


She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower


As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour


The day she died, the neighbors came to snicker


Well, that's what comes from too much pills and liquor


But when I saw her laid out like a queen


She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen





I made my mind up back in Chelsea


When I die-------I'm going like Elsie

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MY FRIDAY FIVE - April 5, 2002





1. What are the first things that you do in the morning to start your day? Check on everyone, change my clothes, feed the dogs and cat, take my vitamins & other such stuff, sit down with some coffee and cigarettes and watch the morning news.





2. What are the last things that you do at night before going to bed? Tidy up, lay out clothes, turn off lights, check on pets, kiss Skyler, and fall asleep with the tv on.





3. What daily routine have you recently added to your day? Pretty much been doing the same old shit every day.





4. What routine do you wish you get rid of? That getting up and going to work thing.





5. What's the one thing that makes you feel like something is missing if you don't do it some point within your day? I have to have hugs and kisses from my husband and daughter, really just time with them, or what's the point?






My daughter is strange sometimes---but in a good way, I suppose. She was fussing with her dad over a stuffed animal one moment and threatening to bitch slap the neighbor boy the next.

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Just returned from the klinik---didn't see anyone today. Friends, or Robin.....was really hoping to run into Robin, my sister. Skyler rode with me this morning. She's still out for Spring Break. She seems to have such healthy self esteem for a 13 year old. She's really getting more fun to hang out with and knows how to make me laugh. I hope we always have this closeness. So today, I am grateful for Skyler and the ultimate joy she's brought into my life.

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April? And do I have my taxes done? Probably not.....thinking about my sister, Robin, tonight. She's extremely ill. I want to hear her voice and see her face all the time, but she doesn't live near me anymore. And she really doesn't feel like getting on the pc very much either. That's fucked up. If she knew how much it meant to me just to get a few words from her more often, I believe she'd try harder. It's what I need. Is that selfish? Maybe it's harder on her than I realize. But I really need to hear and see her. I really love her so much. I don't think I've really told her that lately. I think I'll do just that.....

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There's my friend, Jack. Do we tell him he's gay? Could he handle the shock of it? No, not just yet. I'll just be around to cushion the blow when he finally figures it out. Poor, sweet, unasuming Jack. Ready when you are.

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